I am not the last choice when you got nothing to choose. I am the choice that you should choose between those choices, if you realized it though. You wont understand, moving on is the part of life. You gotta going through or you will forever stuck, trapped in the same memory but you cant do anything. Only slowly die with your own. Heart-suicide. Always suffer from those memories you imagine but you could never reach.

- putrianggra, Oct 2014

sesi curhat gaje

kenapa yah, I have to deal with such a sensitive boy all the time.

cemburuan…kalo lagi ngamuk ampun deh.


ngomong apaan aja gak digubris…

pengen nangis… eh udah sering nangis sih kalo dicuekin. mungkin krn trauma yaa. sama yang dulu2.


ahhhkkk… gue gamau kaya gini lagi :( #masabodoguelagikayaanakalaycurhatkayagini

siapa juga yang mau dengerin gue.

I dont wanna start all over.

I am too tired for that.

but you, if you wanna go just tell me…

then maybe I will…

die, maybe?

as long as you happy.


And then, I’m awake (again) in the middle of the night like this. With thousand wish that flying in my head. A dreamer like me. Sometimes could only touch you from the thought that plays almost every single night at my sleep. When I am awake, it’s like the jetlag, feeling your grasp linger at my body but then I know you are not beside me.

Oh how I miss being hugged in your arms. How I miss every whisper that you gave. Everytime we share silence and just smiled. Your eyes talk much. We knew we love each other from the start. That first day when you asked my name; then ends up repeating the same question because we were too busy looked at each other—I knew you were different and so do you.

I miss you, my eyes to see, ra.

Thought via Path

Tonight’s thought: wondering why breaking the rules is so stunning, as long as I am doing something good instead of being bad. – Read on Path.

Thought via Path

Well.. it’s been a while. Sometimes the insecure feeling reap my thoughts and I could sob uncontrollably and you have no idea why. You reassure me everything’s gonna be alright and you will always be here by my side, giving me the accompany—with the most genuine smile. At my breakdown I knew you never thought it could have been that bad, but you managed it though. You see, I’m no different with others. I just hide it behind the great wall, and you just knocked the small door at the bottom of it. So I opened it for you, and told you to take the risk. You accept it, and now you see me. – Read on Path.

Thought via Path

What do you want? Again. Until whenever I won’t let anybody ruin my life! – Read on Path.

Thought via Path

You know? Until whenever. Whatever how sweet your words, I would not back. My final words; “Revenge accomplished” :) – Read on Path.

Reading Where She Went by Gayle Forman

And the sequel just made me mixed up with those flashback memories :’( (wondering if there’s someone that willing to stay) – View on Path.

First you inspect me
Then you dissect me
Then you reject me
I wait for the day
That you’ll resurrect me.
Hate me. Devastate me. Annihilate me.
Re-create me. Re-create me.
Won’t you, won’t you, won’t you re-create me.

- Animate, Collateral Damage; on Where She Went

Letting go. Everyone talks about it like it’s the easiest thing. Unfurl your fingers one by one until your hand is open. But my hand has been clenched into a fist for three years now; it’s frozen shut. All of me is frozen shut. And about to shut down completely.

- Where She Went

Can we just stay like this for a while?”
“All night long if you want. We’ll tell our secrets to
the dark.”
“So let’s hear another one of your irrational fears.”
Mia grasped me by the arms and pulled herself in to my chest, like she was burrowing her body into mine.
“I’m scared of losing you,” she said in the faintest of voices.
I pushed her away so I could see her face and kissed the top of her forehead.
“I said ‘irrational’ fears. Because that’s not gonna happen.

- Adam to Mia; Where She Went, Gayle Forman


wanna, gonna, tryna. damn, im a lil missy. if you meet me, you'll meet such rarely girl.